The Bullshtters- A Comic Strip Presents Slash
by Oldmoviebuff
Summary: The Comic Strip Presents Slash, Yay! Slash fans saw it coming, and then Peter Richardson and Keith Allen actually gave it to us! though not near as explicit as we wanted, so I decided to change that. Chp.1 episode summary, Chp. 2 Slash, smut, fluff, little angst, little humor, mainly romance, and some hot brit/welsh lovin!
1. Episode Summary

A.N. Ok, some context for this story I have, within the past few months, discovered the British epic-ness that is The Comic Strip Presents. I highly recommend this show for any Britophile, especially if you are a fan of the Young Ones, French and Saunders, Bottom, and The New Statesman. This show is where all those actors got their start. Anyway, this is a short fluff from one of my favorite episodes called, "The Bullshitters" which is a hilarious parody of "The Professionals". While I highly recommend watching the episode before reading this, it streams on netfilx, I will be posting a plot summary of the episode leading up until I diverge with my take on a scene (you will know which one when you see the episode) so you will be able to understand. This is basically PWP, so context isn't necessary to get full enjoyment, but you will be scratching your head at the names and circumstances if you are going into this blind.

Episode Summary-_DI5 Commander Jackson's theater student daughter is taken and held hostage by a couple pub performers in the hopes of using her ransom to build a vaudeville theater "for the people". Commander Jackson is suspended from duty by his boss the Admiral because he is too close to the case. Not wanting to just sit back and be helpless, he gets his right-hand man, Thompson to call in the Bullshitters, two former DI5 agents who have since gone their separate ways. Foyle is now a serious West End Actor and Bonehead is the founder of 'Knobs School for TV Tough Guys.' Jackson convinces Bonehead to come back for this mission and has him talk Foyle into it. After catching one of Foyle's performances, Bonehead talks Foyle into joining him on the case after telling him the kid-knapped victim is an actress. When the two arrive at the Safe House the next day, Commander Jackson briefs them on the case, they initially refuse when they find out that they will not be allowed their full equipment or fast cars (they must instead use bus passes and public phones). Jackson ends up blackmailing the two into working with the very evidence that got the pair thrown out of DI5 in the first place. Bonehead had been given the Gay Serum by KGB agents that lead to photos and an eventual trial. Before they get the lab reports on the ransom tape, Bonehead and Foyle kick it around the Safe House in briefs and boots, generally doing petty squabbling over Bonehead being the action-y tough guy and foyle being the slightly pretentious artiste. When they do get the lab reports, they deduce that the kid-knappers must be pub performers and run all over London looking for them in what is a spoof of a good old-fashioned 70s style car chase montage. But, instead of fast cars and walkie-talkies, they are running around in underwear, boots, and leather jackets, hoping on and off buses and shouting into public phones. Bonehead eventually hooks them up with some jeans as they go into one more pub, which happens to be the pub that the kid-knappers work at. (It is worth mentioning here, that up until the pub there is plenty of evidence that could support the idea these two could be a pair, it is subtle enough that the general audience wouldn't notice it, but fans wearing slash goggles would). In the pub, Bonehead figures out that they performers are the kid-knappers but Foyle says to wait because they still need to know where the victim is. After some altercations in the pub that could be pointed to jealousy, Bonehead loses his temper and calls the kid-knappers out. This leads to the kid-knappers fleeing the pub with Bonehead and Foyle on their tails. The two chase them to the docks/harbor where they run into Commander Jackson who has also found out the kid-knappers location. They split up, with the commander calling desperately calling for his daughter and Bonehead and Foyle running around, asking inane questions and being macho while shedding more layers of clothes and closing in on the suspects. They eventually slide down a small slope of loose gravel near the large moving van where the kid-knappers are and hear a gunshot. _This is where my ficlet picks up. They do fulfill slash fans by kissing and confessing love, but after that, I go AU, because I DEEMED IT SO!. Have fun with the smut. -


	2. Plot, if it can be called as such

A.N.- These Characters are the creations of Peter Richardson and Keith Allen, who inturn based these guys off of "The Professionals," they do not belong to me. Please forgive me Mr. Richardson and Mr. Allen, this was written with the highest respect that I have for you two, and please take no offense (though I know you guys will never see this). I wrote this because I do respect the hell out of you guys annndddd because I am totally not infatuated with you at all. Not even the slightest bit, no sir, not at all….-Read, Review, and enjoy!

"You know those really tight black jeans you got?"

A gun was fired and Bonehead swung his arms and body protectively around Foyle whose eyes were fixed on the distance, planning out their next move.

"He's behind the crane. Come on!" Foyle made to get up but Bonehead held him there, pinned between his body and the gravel. He turned his eyes to meet him in confusion.

"Foyle?" Bonehead was really close, and his grip was steady.

"What?"

"I really respect you, not just as a Secret Service Agent, but as a man!"

Foyle felt a pang in is stomach as he tried to think of what to say. "Yeah." was all he managed to get out as he tried to suppress his disappointment. But then Bonehead said something rather unexpected.

"I love you Foyle."

As small smile crept across his face, and without thinking he responded, "I love _you._"

"Oh God!" Bonehead chocked out as he brought his head down to Foyle's chest. Words couldn't even begin to describe the relief he felt to know that his feelings were reciprocated. Gay Serum be damned, he had felt this way about his crime-fighting partner for years. Foyle cradled his head as he began to hungrily kiss his chest.

"All those months you were running 'Knobs', I missed you so much Bonehead, I-I ached for you."

Bonehead met his fellow agent's gaze as he shared his inner struggle.

"I used to walk past the theater, hoping to bump into you! I thought I lost you Foyle!"

Foyle could barely contain his joy as he brought his hands up to cradle the back of Bonehead's head and curved his fingers in the man's short, wavy hair. "Bonehead!" He couldn't hold it in any longer and brought Bonehead's lips against his own.

They slid and rolled down the loose gravel landing on a more flat area with Foyle now on top, as they began to furiously, if not awkwardly, snog. They tried to find a steady rhythm as they ran fingers through each other's hair and held each other close. Somewhere off in the distance they could hear Commander Jackson crying out, "Janie!" on his loudspeaker. The pair paused.

"We should do something." Foyle said trying to catch his breath as he started to survey the area again before looking back down at Bonehead.

"We should." Bonehead said with eyes darkened by lust and need. He roughly gripped the back of Foyle's head and brought him down to meet his lips once again. He had been waiting too long for this to stop now. He rolled them over to where he was once again on top and ground his hips against Foyle letting him feel his arousal. Foyle tried desperately to keep his head but was quickly losing to his body.

"We really should help out the Commander." Foyle tried again with a little less conviction. He fought back a groan as Bonehead started to playfully nip at his chest.

"You want us to help out the Commander, fine, we'll help out the Commander!" Bonehead growled in annoyance at the delay.

Without moving from his position, he pulled his gun and fired on the Admiral, now full Colonel, giving his "why I did it" speech.

"Expositional monologues," Bonehead scoffed as the Colonel fell off his perch to the ground, "they do nothing but waste film."

Foyle, in the meantime, had spotted Thompson slowly making his way on to the scene and was nefariously sneaking his way up behind the Commander. He pulled his gun and made quick work of the double agent.

"Happy?" Bonehead said indignantly to Foyle, once they had both taken out their targets.

"Yes."

"Good." Bonehead all but picked Foyle up and dragged him to a nearby dilapidated building and pinned him against the wall. "Commander should be able to sort out those idiots by himself now." Bonehead said between kisses as he ravaged Foyle's chest.

Foyle leaned his head back against the wall as he continued his losing battle with his self-control.

"Shouldn't we go somewhere else?" He managed, almost breathless.

"Can't wait that long." Bonehead mumbled out as he progressed down to Foyle's stomach.

"But here? Wouldn't it be better to go back to the Safe Ho-ahhh."

Bonehead effectively silenced Foyle by biting at the bulge in Foyle's jeans. It wasn't a hard bite, but it was strong enough for it's effects to be felt through the denim. Any and all control that Foyle had left, abandoned him in that one glorious instant. He moved his hips forward as Bonehead nuzzled the area before grabbing Foyle's arms and bringing him down to his knees in front of him.

"I really do love you, Foyle." Bonehead stated almost reassuringly, as he looked into the other man's eyes and held the back of his head with one hand.

Foyle thought it was strange how Bonehead seemed to gain restraint while _he_ was losing it. Foyle could only nod in response as the other man leaned him back until he was all the way on the ground and he was on his knees above him. Foyle could barely form a thought as Bonehead undid his trousers and began to pull them down. And forget thinking, he could hardly remember to breathe when Bonehead began to massage his aching bulge with one hand and un-zip his own jeans with the other.

Once the two men had been freed from their denim prisons, Bonehead began to lose his air of restraint as he pulled off Foyle's red pants and released his already fully hardened member. Foyle took in a sharp breath as his private region met the cold air, but he quickly got over it as Bonehead's warm hand encircled him and began to move.

While keeping his companion "warm" Bonehead brought a few fingers to his mouth and wet them. He positioned himself between Foyle's legs and readied his finger at his entrance.

"You have never done _this _sort of thing before, am I right?" Bonehead said in a husky whisper.

"Not… with another man, no…" Foyle could only stammer between the anticipation and Bonehead's expert hand.

"Going to need you to relax for me then, do you think you can do that for me?" The statement would have almost sounded sweet if Bonehead's words hadn't been so thickly coated with desire. Foyle nodded, at least Mr. Macho was trying.

Bonehead stopped his hand and placed it at Foyle's hip as he slowly slid his finger in. When the "what is that? It feels strange." Look finally melted from Foyle's face, Bonehead added another finger, then a third. Once he was satisfied with his preparation, he released his own erection from its confines and positioned himself at Foyle's entrance.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Bonehead pushed himself in and his entire calm demeanor evaporated instantly. He held on to Foyle's shoulders as he started to move rapidly against him. Foyle was, of course, in pain, but it left soon enough and he found that he could move right along with his partner. He brought his hands up and gently wrapped them around Bonehead's forearms as he rose to meet each thrust.

As both men got closer and closer to their climaxes, their movements became more erratic. Bonehead brought himself down and met Foyle in a crushing kiss before Foyle lost control and toppled over the edge. Bonehead soon followed with a growl as he pushed into Foyle one last time. When the last of his orgasm rippled through him, Bonehead collapsed into Foyle's arms and tried to catch his breath.

Foyle could physically do nothing but hold onto the man he had harbored feelings for so long. Bonehead, on the other hand, wanted to hold Foyle in return, but found he couldn't move. Not even to pull himself out of his companion. Foyle gently rocked back and forth, holding Bonehead until he could regain the use of his limbs.

"We should get moving before we both pass out you know." Foyle said in Bonehead's ear after a few minutes. "What do you say we commandeer a car and go get something to eat?"

Bonehead lifted his head from Foyle's chest and gave him a mischievous grin. "Let's go!"


End file.
